Loss
by hoyteca
Summary: After crashing during a recent mission over Corneria, Fox struggles to adapt to civilian life.
1. Chapter 1

Combat. Life and death; bravery and cowardice; pain and ecstasy. Some dread the idea of killing and dying. Some desire it. It flows through their veins, feeding them, nurturing them. They live for it.

And the rest? They love and hate it, desire and fear it. It is their light and darkness, their heaven and hell. It destroys them, yet they crave more. The addiction, the rush, the need for one more victory, one more kill. It moves them. It drives them. It feeds them. While most either love it or hate it, some find an unhealthy balance.

"Fox!"

The arwing dropped out of the sky, leaving behind a trail of burning fuel and smoke. The pilot, the legendary Fox Mccloud, struggled to maintain consciousness as the blood flowed out his wounded leg. With the arwing losing power fast, Fox could do nothing but hope that there would be enough power left to protect him from the impact.

Boom.

The arwing had barely done its job. His left arm and legs were broken, his body was impaled by several rods, and he was losing consciousness fast, but he was still alive. Within seconds, paramedics that had just previously taken care of civilian casualties rushed to the crash site and pulled him out. The last thing he saw before passing out were three arwings making a quick landing after finishing the last of the enemy fighters.


	2. Chapter 2

"What happened? Where am I?"

Fox woke up from his weeklong coma confused. The trauma and blood loss had taken a toll on him, rendering much of the previous month a blur. Fox tried to sit up, only to collapse back down in pain. He felt around his body, finding a mess of bandages and stitched-up wounds. Slowly, the memories of the mission were coming back to him. The excitement. The rush. Reducing his foes to falling, flaming wreckage.

Then nothing. The memories ended shortly after that. Fox didn't know why, but he suspected that it had something to do with why he was in the hospital bed, frozen by the paralyzing pain.

Fox took a look at his surroundings. The machines hooked up to his body broke up the otherwise monotonous walls. Light shown through the window as the sun slowly rose over the horizon. The gentle morning rays reminded Fox of his carefree childhood days. The days at the beach with his parents. Getting up early to watch the sunrise. Those memories remained strong even as the previous month grew blurrier.

Then he saw her. Sleeping peacefully on the nearby couch reserved for visitors. Her blue fur bathed gently in the sun's rays. Again, memories were coming back. Rescuing her on Sauria. The awkwardness whenever he tried to ask her out. The dating. The memories eased some of his pain. Slowly, her eyes began to open as she woke from her slumber.

"Morning."

That smile. Those loving eyes. That voice. More memories flooded his head, slowly overwhelming his brain. Unlike the other memories, these brought back pain. The Anglar Invasion. Practically abandoning her. The overwhelming guilt. These memories slowly poisoned his already-confused mind.

"What's wrong?"

Her worried voice continued to flood his head with the unwelcome memories. Pain, guilt, and fear had completely replaced whatever happiness he may have felt earlier. Her worried cries continued to worsen his state. It didn't take long for her telepathy to confirm her suspicions.

"That's ancient history. I already forgave you long ago. Just let it go."

The room grew darker, the blindingly bright morning light only worsening things. The rays tormented him, silently laughing at him. The vixen sobbing, worried, fearing that the crash may have taken a bigger toll than she had thought. The pain greeted him with open arms, offering a sense of welcome peace and comfort. It all seemed overwhelming.

Then came the thought, the unspoken question that the vixen feared most, more than thoughts of abandoning or harming her. The one question that brought as much pain to her as it did to him. Her worst fears were beginning to come true.

"Who is she?"


	3. Chapter 3

Her sobs reminded him more and more of those horrible memories, driving him deeper into madness. Pain surged through his wounded body, providing a welcome distraction from his problems. He needed combat. He needed the struggle. He needed to be flying combat missions, not trapped in this prison of unwelcome memories.

"Please remember."

The vixen's continued to plead in vain.

"Why won't you remember?"

Fox looked at the crying vixen. Her beauty continued to haunt him. But there was something about her that didn't fill him with dread. The one thing that didn't provide memories of more turbulent times.

"The ring."

Fox's thought surprised the vixen. Perhaps he hadn't forgotten the good times after all. The relief she felt was short-lived, however.

"When did you get married?"

"When did I get married? Not us, but me?" the devastated vixen thought.

"Who's the lucky guy?"

The unspoken questions hurt the vixen more than anything had before. How could he forget their wedding? It was the happiest time of his life and he forgot all about it? Just how much blood did he lose?

"You don't remember, do you?"

Her words took him by surprise. Remember? Remember what? Her wedding? Was he invited or something?

The vixen hugged her lover tightly, tears rolling down her cheeks. Releasing him from her grasp after a few minutes, she look into his eyes and spoke.

"I'm going to get something to eat. Just rest up and get better. I'm sure it will all come back sooner or later. Bye."

Bye. That one word haunted him more than any other. It reminded him of his parents' deaths and Krystal's involuntary departure from the team... and his life. Seeing the hungry vixen leave only worsened the memories. With the atmosphere thick with darkness and dread, Fox tried to relax as he hoped for better days to return. This hope was all he had left after the pain subsided moments ago.


	4. Chapter 4

"Where am I?"

Waking up, Fox looked around at his surroundings. He was lying in a large bed in a darkened room, morning light providing what little light the room had. On the walls and the nightstand beside him were pictures of him and Krystal. One picture in particular stood out. It was a picture of Krystal and him just after their wedding. Unable to afford anything fancier at the time, Fox wore his best uniform. Krystal was wearing a wedding dress that went nicely with her blue fur. Their smiles brought back memories of happier times, of his childhood and various missions with the team. Unable to remember the wedding or being released from the hospital, Fox was temporarily overcome by confusion and frustration.

Suddenly, Fox heard a sound just outside the door. It started out faint, but gradually grew louder with each passing second. It was a beautiful song about a subject Fox couldn't quite make out.

Krystal walked into the room and looked into his eyes. Fox's confusion and frustration were replaced by a strange feeling of love's warmth and terror's coldness.

"Where am I?"

The question surprised the vixen. Surely even he could remember his home. Krystal smiled as she answered his question.

"You don't remember our bedroom? You're home. Now let's get you out of bed. It's time for breakfast."

Home? Sure, the place had a certain familiarity to it, but home? Fox decided to give up for the time being before he drove himself further into madness.

Aided by Krystal's strong arms, Fox slowly made his way to the breakfast table. As he sat down, Krystal began cooking three eggs for his meal. The aroma soon filled the room, filling Fox once again with happy memories.

"Remember anything yet?"

Fox didn't pay much attention to her question. He just sat there, enjoying the various memories as they came and went.

Krystal placed the plate of eggs in front of Fox and happily watched him eat. There was an almost hypnotic quality to the sight, almost sending Krystal into a trance as she watched him eat.

After he finished eating his meal, Krystal helped him walk to the couch. She sat there with him for hours, finally able to enjoy his company in the first time in what seemed like an eternity for her.


	5. Chapter 5

For several hours, the two foxes sat together in silence, enjoying each other's company. Krystal thought about what their future would be like, wondering how many kits and grandkits they will have. Fox was busy trying to piece together the past, creating a mostly fictional history in his mind. They sat there in peace until Krystal's question broke the silence.

"How many kits do you think we'll have?"

Fox was puzzled. Kits? Surely someone of her beauty and personality would have found someone else during what Fox thought was a long absence. Did she really pass up so many potential mates just to be with him?

"You still don't quite understand, do you?"

"Understand what?" Fox silently wondered. With so many other potential mates, Bill, Falco, maybe Panther, Wolf, definitely not Slippy, why him? Did she truly love him enough to forgive him and wait for him, no matter how long that would take? Or was he forgetting something. Now what was it? Oh yeah. The picture. Were they really married? Did they really get back together some time ago? Perhaps before the crash or whatever it was that sent him to the hospital? Well, it would have to be before that.

"Perhaps I should explain what happened", Krystal said to him, interrupting his train of thought.

"About a year ago, you forced me to leave the team. While I may have 'been with' Panther, I was merely using him to make you jealous, not that he minded much. For those first few months, I've been pretending to ignore your pleas, making you want me more.

Then, I decided I had waited long enough. I accepted your apology; we got back together, and eventually got married. We decided that mercenary wasn't exactly a great career for a mother or father to have, so we retired after that mission that sent you to the hospital. You wouldn't believe how easy it was. We didn't even need to wait for you to wake up."

That word. Retired. How could she? Fox knew she had her reasons, but retired? She basically got him fired? Him? The leader? Did she really have that much authority?

"Fox?"

Sure, it was a risky profession, but that never stopped his father. Maybe that's why she did it.

"You still there, Fox?"

He never liked civilian life. It was too boring and predictable. Wake up, go to work, come home, eat, sleep, repeat. Fox joined the team to get away from that. He couldn't take the painfully monotonous lifestyle. He needed excitement, not a boring, thankless job.

"You don't have to worry about that."

What?

"The paycheck from that last mission is more than enough to support us for quite some time. Plus, I'll gladly take the monotony. They did all they could, but your body still can't take too much stress."

Great. If he can't work, then what's he going to do?


	6. Chapter 6

Fox had a lot to think about. Apparently she had forgiven him enough to marry him. He still had doubts whether she truly loved him as much as she wanted to, but they weren't as strong as they were moments ago. Fox knew he had forgotten a lot of things. He was always so busy, it wouldn't surprise him if he didn't really forget, but just never noticed. He was always trying to do the right thing, to be the hero, that he most likely had simply missed everything.

Fox's mind soon drifted elsewhere. Without a job, what was he going to do? He was certainly in no condition for any real housework. Maybe unemployment would do him some good. After all, so much happened around him that he likely didn't notice. He didn't want to grow old with only a few memories from his youth to show for it. Sure, there were his war stories, but he needed more. He needed memories of love and fun. He needed to remember being more than just a mere instrument of war. This would be his second chance to really live life instead of just mere survival.

Fox knew what he had to do. He was going to slow down, his wounds would make sure of that, and enjoy life. He was going to truly enjoy life with the vixen of his dreams.

Krystal. The mere thought of her stirred up a few memories, mostly painful. But the past is the past and if she had really forgiven him, he was willing to let go of those memories of betrayal and pain.

What about the team? Falco could probably run it. Falco never really liked Fox's style anyway. Falco loved action. While Fox was more methodical, Falco was more aggressive. He loved speed and firepower. Fox knew that Star Fox could survive under Falco's leadership.

What would Lylat think? Would he be remembered as a hero wounded in the line of duty or as a coward who quit after a brief stint in the hospital? Would he be remembered at all or was he doomed to fade into obscurity like countless others before him?

Should he even care about such things? Sure, being a leader and a hero brought him pride, but so would starting a family with the vixen he loved. And it's not like he would be able to fight if he wanted to. Fox would rather be remembered as a coward than as a has-been who crashed and died before even reaching the battle. They could blame mechanical failure, but why tarnish Slippy's reputation. He's already remembered as the team's worst pilot. Why ruin all he has left?

Fox turned to look into Krystal's eyes as she smiled at him. Why should he worry about things that were out of his control? Why did he loathe civilian life again?

Boredom. Fox remembered the endless, merciless boredom that filled the years between wars. He needed the fear, the blood, and the rush. Without them, his life was empty. Krystal felt his discomfort. She too had to suffer through the endless boredom between wars. But without the possibility of combat, he would adapt. He had to. He would.

And so would she. As long as he stood by her side and suffered with her, she would adapt with him. Together, they were complete and would be able to adapt to whatever torture boredom and monotony could throw at them. Everything would be okay. At least he hoped everything would be okay.

There was still the issue of his memory loss. Over the years, he's made countless promises and enemies. What if he's forgetting something important? Did he give a promise he has yet to keep? Is there someone out there with a score to settle? Why worry? They could always move. Corneria was a big planet with many cities, forests, islands, and mountains. Hiding couldn't be too hard. Sauria would also be a good place to hide. The rough, unmapped terrain would make hiding easier. The cover would be good, the water clean, and the food plentiful.

Funny. Lylat's hero, the fox that feared no enemy, who survived countless battles unscathed, thinking about where to hide. He knew he'd retire eventually, but hiding? He hid from no one. Of course, he had less to lose and didn't depend on Krystal to get anywhere back then.

Why's he have to get cocky? Andross was never able to kill him. Star Wolf was never able to shoot him down. The Sharp Claw, Aparoids, and Anglars all fell to him and his team. And yet a mere criminal was able to force him into an early retirement.

Of course it wasn't entirely his fault. He was always bailing his teammates out. When they were being chased, he'd rescue them. When they were surrounded, he'd crate an opening. Where was his rescue? Where was his opening? When he was in trouble, he was almost always the one who bailed himself out. There were a few times he was bailed out, but his teammates were only responsible for one of those saves and that was Falco, who wasn't even on the team at the time. The other two times, he was saved by Star Wolf.

Fox wanted to cry. His rivals proved to be more valuable allies than his own teammates. Why hadn't he been shot down earlier? He depended on his teammates for his survival. Why was he still alive? He was always bailing them out, yet he could barely count on them to not shoot him down, let alone help him out.

Not that it was their fault. He was their leader. They were his responsibility. If he wanted them to actually work as a team, he had to make them work as a team. He was too lenient. His orders weren't absolute enough. Pigma proved to be a better teammate than Slippy or Falco and Pigma betrayed Fox's father for money. They only reason his team listened to him was the paychecks. He needed to work harder. He shouldn't have tried to be their friends. Look at Star Wolf. Leon and Panther may be criminals, but they listened to Wolf. They followed his orders and were loyal to the end. Fox knew his team was pathetic. He knew that the only reason they survived was because Fox was there to bail them out.

But he couldn't bail them out anymore. What would happen to them now? How would they survive? Why should he care? Fox now hated Falco and Slippy. Fox didn't hate Krystal though. She may have sucked at flying, but she was loyal to him. She stood by him and only left because he forced her to. Screw Slippy's reputation. Fox wasn't going to retire because of Slippy's reputation. He was going to stay grounded because of Krystal. He was going to start a new life with her and that was all that mattered to him.


	7. epilogue

--Epilogue—

Fox and Krystal started a family together, raising a young kit named Marcus. Though Fox still doesn't remember much, he remembers enough.

The Star Fox team recruits five new members to replace the leader they lost. Though they've won many wars without Fox, they lost three members in the process, including team mechanic Slippy.

Lylat remembers Fox not as a hero, but as a coward. His name becomes synonymous with cowardice and desertion. The only people in all of Lylat them remember him as the hero he truly was are his former team, Star Wolf, and the citizens of Sauria. Not that Fox cares.

Fox has everything he needs now. He couldn't care less about what everyone else thought of him.


End file.
